It's been 3 years since we've last connected and it feels like not much as changed in the past three years but as I go deeper and think back, a lot has transformed my life into how it is now. Waw!
Where to begin? From the start? No, I don't think so, otherwise this would be a long ass post.
Let's start with one word, surrender.
Disclaimer: Before we begin, I felt called to put a disclaimer.
This is my honest truth, experience, and thoughts. It may not be the same as yours so if in any way this post makes you uncomfortable, I invite you to close this page and go with love in your heart.
The walking path
Since 2020, when the pandemic hit the world and as we all were forced indoors, I was one of those people who celebrated staying inside and having a socially valid excuse, without judgment, for not socializing with others. I have categorized myself as an ambivert so I generally enjoy being indoors 24/7, and zoom calls adequately served my need to socialize.
Instead of attending Toastmasters meetings 3 times a week and going to cafes and brunches weekly, I had to find something of value to fill my time. It was around April 2020 when I was presented a program that put me on the path towards surrender and played a part into transforming my life—and I'll tell you now that it was not a clean path, it had tons of rocks, dirt, and all that nasty that I needed to get through in order to bow my head down in surrender. And I am still working on surrendering fully every, single, day. It's such a journey.
Self-image is one issue that majority of us face when growing older. It usually occurs when your mind is flushed with ideas of the perfect image, the perfect body, the perfect hair, and when you don't see the perfection that is already you. When we're conscious of our self-image, it deprives us of moving ahead into our lives and making the best choices. It diminishes our self-confidence and the pride we have for ourselves. It's an awful feeling that just plain out brings us down.
How do we overcome it? How do we find the true perfection that is us?
The sea breeze rustles through your hair as you stand at the edge of the beach. Opening your arms wide to take the deepest inhale you've taken all day and exhale with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love.
That is the image that comes to mind when I think of the moment when we discover who we are. Of course, it doesn't happen that way, it usually happens over time, doesn't it? We do something for the longest time and finally ask ourselves, "Is this what I really want to do?" "Is this what I love?" "Is this me?" It is when you answer yes and/or no to these questions that bring you one step closer to discovering who you are.
First off, yes I do kind of look like a balloon with my outfit. In fairness, this top is super-duper loose and it was slightly windy so I felt like letting it flow in the wind a bit more and necessary. Plus in the middle of the day I ended up knotting up the last two buttons like I usually do.
Secondly, what is up with that title? "First Blogoversary that Flies" That sounds more like I went skydiving for my blog. Which I didn't. That would be awesome though. What do you all think? Skydiving for a blogoversary.
Third, what type of blogger forgets about her blogoversary? A busy one? I'd like to say a busy one, but I think that's just a stupid excuse to completely forget about a blogoversary. Of course, blogoversaries doesn't have to be a big thing, it's just a milestone. A milestone that marks a whole year of writing, styling, and reminiscing on the good.
This past year of blogging has become my escape, my sanctuary, a platform I can turn to when shit goes down. It hasn't only kept me sane this past year, but also these other bloggers such as The Silver Kick Dairies, The Adored Life, Delightfully Tacky, and Mini Penny, were a huge part of what got me through 2014. They gave me and continue to give the motivation and inspiration to follow the love and keep smiling.
So I followed the love and when I found it, I tried my best to catch up. But when I finally got close enough to feel those powerful feelings radiating off that love. The feeling lingers and this gives us a chance to relish on it and spread that power like a wildfire across oceans and through the wind.
I bought clothes that made me feel good, read things that made me feel fantastic, did things that got me excited, and hung out with people who make me laugh and allow me to say my piece. I've gone to events and introduced myself as a blogger. I've met people and told them I was passionate about blogging because it made me feel real, and let my love flow through my system for a bit longer before I let it out into the world to prosper. Greedy, I know.
| Blouse - | Jeans - Bershka |
| Belt & Bag - Forever 21 Shoes - H&M |
Photo creds: Najla Qamber
Love surrounds us. We just need to lay back, close our eyes, and allow yourself to feel it.
It's been a year of Nada Más Que Amor and it was a great one. May year two be filled with as many and much more outfit posts, book posts, food posts, inspirations, quarterly event experiences, and love. Let the love fly high.
This morning, I was shuffling through Youtube and decided to check up on one of my favorite youtuber's Meghan Rienks and stumbled upon her video on depression. Because of what she said, I am writing this post now.
Here is the video if you would like to watch it.
Meghan speaks on how she was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. As she was explaining how she felt and how it all suddenly happened, things started to click in my mind with every symptom she stated.
I'm sure this is something 80% of the world goes through, especially once they graduate or drop out from university. An existential crisis. It's something I've been going through since before I graduated university in 2013; at least that's what I think. It was when I realized everything after my final exams were completely blank and it didn't feel like a white board that welcomes ideas, it felt more like a black hole.
Unlike most of that 80%, I am one of those who leeches off their parents while they decide what to do with their lives. So we sit, we eat, we panic, we cry, we sleep.
Whenever that while board of opportunities comes into view, I would jolt down my goals and what I thought I wanted, and for the next few weeks, I was determined to get to where I wanted to be. Then suddenly a dark cloud suddenly floats above my head and swarm of negativity would rush through my mind. Doubt, fear, worthlessness, death. Or as Meghan said a switch flipped. Next thing I know it, I'm crawled up on the corner of my bed brawling my eyes out and whispering soothing words to calm myself down until I pass out, and waking up feeling drained and rotten.
I don't know if I'm classified as depressed or actually suffering from this crisis since the doctors here don't know shit. But I would go in and out of my depression, and I'd like to say every time I come out of it I'm stronger than ever, but to tell you the truth, I feel the same way and see no difference.
Watching myself go on, day after day sinking deeper into that black hole that I call my mind and over thinking every possible thing that I wanted to do in life, whether I was good enough or not, whether I was meant to do this or not, whether I want to do it or not. And at the end of the day I would just panic and depression would overwhelm me which would in turn put me in a state of death, hypothetically speaking.
Perhaps it is my will to keep going and support the idea of what I want in life that I should focus on and push away all those dark emotions and negative thoughts, but it's easier said than done.
I may not be experiencing the same things as Meghan is experiencing but dealing with any sort of depression alone can be one the hardest things to come across in life. Despite myself not taking my own advice, I strongly encourage you to talk to your family, to your best friends, to someone who you think would support you no matter what, if ever you are feeling any sort of depression. Bottling things up inside doesn't make you stronger, it makes you fragile. It's going through the depression that makes you stronger.
During these depression days I would use some rocks as a placebo affect to make everything better.
I know it sounds weird and idiotic, but it helps.
I would hold these rocks in my palm and squeeze tight while repeating all the things I'm grateful for and remembering the moments I felt happy and loved and felt excited and determined. I held these rocks and whispered the words to myself for hours until my feelings of excitement and love overwhelmed the feelings of fear, panic, and sadness.
I also take everything one step at a time. Rushing everything just stressed you out and would risk sinking back into that state of panic and depression. Whether it was just putting one foot after the other, or making some tea, I take it slow. And it really helped. I slowly started to feel alive and determined again.
I'm not the type to speak out about my depression since I don't think the people around me would care as much, but today, I just feel like perhaps this post could help someone. Perhaps someone would read this and relate to it, and it would make them feel like they're not alone. Because you're not. We're in this together and we can all get through it.
It's okay. Take it one step at a time. Take it slow. It will get better. *virtual group hug*
I want to personally welcome you to the first entry of "Nada más que amor", which translates to "Nothing but love" in Spanish. Now, I don't know that much of Spanish, but I know it well enough to understand that my given name, "Nada" means "nothing" in Spanish; and because my family constantly said that my name had the meaning of nothing since I was a child. With that, I developed the blog name! :)
With my previous blog, Interested in ALL, being all that it is, and all that is has become for the past few years, it felt like I outgrew it all, and that I needed something more. I felt the need for a change of scenery, a change of purpose. So, I started a Nada más que amor to fulfill my need for this change. And here it is, I have officially migrated from Interested in ALL, to my new home.
What to expect from Nada más que amor? Despite the change, I've had a craving for a proper platform to widen my horizons with my personal style and my love for books, food and all that jazz, and I wanted Nada más que amor to be that place. A blog where personal stylish outfits, books and sometimes food, beauty, DIY, and venting posts can be found. And of course, my aim for this blog is for it to be surrounded by love; or at least positivity.
The fun childish feeling of playing dress up. The craving for an escape between the pages of a book. The tingling of ones tastebud when a sweet savory dish has been tasted. These are are a few of my favourite things that bring love into my life. Because love is the only way to go.
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