I adore taking outfit photos. I like dressing up, meeting up with fellow blogger Shabana @ The Silver Kick Diaries, and posing in the middle of the street to take pictures. I like to show you all what I wore and how I styled it, it's nice. I feel accomplished when I do. But, honestly, it's been a struggle coming up with content these past few months—most of the year actually.
I've grown up thinking I was right most of the time. I never liked to be wrong, so much so that I would get angry and agitated whenever someone would correct me, even with the smallest things. I remember having arguments with my siblings about something that doesn't matter now, and I ended up being at fault and on the wrong side. I didn't like it. Who does, honestly? It hurt my pride and self-esteem. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough.
I was young, I didn't know how to accept that I can't be right all the time. I didn't understand how the word accept would fit in with emotion and willpower. I thought it was just a word they used for when you get accepted at universities or jobs.
I've gone through many instances in life where a situation is challenging. My yoga routine seems too off and too quick for me to deepen my practice, the asshole on the road honks and flashes for me to go faster, and when 24 hours just isn't enough for a day. The time has come when we have to cope and keep going, even if we want the weekend to get here already.
Have you ever had to listen to a whole speech from someone after you've told them about your latest breakup? An existential crisis? Or how you hate your job? When maybe you just want to hear the words "It's going to be okay." instead of a speech.I'm one in many of those people who recite a line or three from a self-help book when friends tell me that their life sucks, I can't help it sometimes. But what if we say what we mean in simple words; instead of giving a motivational speech, to make a point?
You say that you're healthy and enjoy working out, and you say that you're positive and meditate every day but, there come's a few days or maybe even a week when you fall off the wagon. When you eat junk food and workout less, and when you're stressed and can barely sit to breathe. And when you think about what you stand for; whether you're healthy, positive, etc., doesn't it feel like a lie?
YouTubers, Bloggers, and other influential people out there who stand for being badass, healthy, confident, and all that jazz, who has a group of followers that aspire to be just like them. So much so that they follow their routines, dress like them, and talk like them; guilty over here! People like Shameless Maya, or Chiara from Bold Self, or even Adriene from Yoga with Adriene. These type of people stand for something, and the world follows their lifestyle hoping to be just like them but, I'm sure they fall off the wagon too sometimes.
When I graduated from High School about 7 maybe 8 years back, the two things I wanted to be was a Chef or a Journalist. I remember the feeling of being in my culinary bubble and always turning to the kitchen to bake whenever I was feeling lost. It was peaceful. Of course, things happen and my peace turned to yoga and to writing. It's unavoidable, we grow.
After spending years in University studying your butt off to eventually get a good paying job with benefits, and after living with a job for a few years, there comes a time when you think about what you used to want to do and be. The feeling of nostalgia rushes through you like flames and you discover that what you wanted still is what want. The question here now is; what's stopping you from going towards what you want?
Whenever I go on Pinterest or Tumblr, one of the main things that I reblog and pin are elegant fashion pieces, boho-chic attire, and my dream house goals. I'm in the age where everyone around me is getting married and having babies, and I'm just here saving up my money to buy a house and furniture.
As far as I got to designing my own interior, is my room, and I've already maximized the space I got when decorating. Each four corners of the room have its own theme and feel to it. One side has the yogi feel, the other a boho feel, a successful badass feel, and the final side would be my free space for most of my hoarding properties. Yes, unfortunately, I like to keep every glass bottle, Starbucks cup, and moisturizer container I used up; you have no idea how useful they can be.
The best thing about having my own empty space to design is using whatever interior design skill I picked up and going at it like a blank canvas to a painter. Plus, it's refreshing to actually sit in a space that radiates positivity and good vibes. So very very refreshing!
The sea breeze rustles through your hair as you stand at the edge of the beach. Opening your arms wide to take the deepest inhale you've taken all day and exhale with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude and love.
That is the image that comes to mind when I think of the moment when we discover who we are. Of course, it doesn't happen that way, it usually happens over time, doesn't it? We do something for the longest time and finally ask ourselves, "Is this what I really want to do?" "Is this what I love?" "Is this me?" It is when you answer yes and/or no to these questions that bring you one step closer to discovering who you are.
You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’re deciding if something is right for you or not? It isn’t a feeling that one can explain in detail, but it’s a feeling that everyone has experienced at least once throughout his or her life.
In any challenge that comes our way, whether it’s feeling adventurous while deciding whether to go left or right, or it’s trying to weigh the scales with a decision that could change our lives. When making the final choice, the one thing we listen to the most is our gut, our instincts, or that little voice in our heads.
How many times have you ignored your gut feeling and ended up in a situation you didn’t want to be in? No matter how much we tend to deny its impulses, in the end, our gut seems to always know what’s best. I don’t know exactly how that feeling in your belly is able to make the right choices, but I do know that if you ignore it, your decisions are often shadowed with regret. There are a few important things to consider when doubting your gut.
That one night I went to sleep with something amis, I awoke the next morning with a pure intention to chop my hair off. The last time I had hair this short, it was chemically straightened, rebonded, and it looked awful. I looked more like woman version of Georg from Tokio Hotel back in 2005 than anything else.
I've been wanting to try out short hair for a while and that morning I finally did. I called up my hair stylist and booked an appointment. A few hours later, I went in there and came out a changed woman. I was literally jumping for joy all the way home with how good the cut turned out.
The cut made me feel like I had a whole different purpose in life. It gave me a boost of confidence and a sigh of relief. It's more like the hairdresser chopped off my heavy heart and worries with every snip of the scissors and rubbed in some badass hair cream and gel with every stroke. Plus, this makes showers so much easier, and I get to experiment with styling.
Since my bright bottom bits were cut, I couldn't stand not having any blonde or light colors in my hair so I ended up bleaching some of my bottom layers. It makes me feel more me. Perhaps I'll dye them green again.
I honestly don't know what I was thinking with this outfit. That week was a major blur, but at least I got to relish in that good summer weather by sweating buckets and avoiding a farmers tan. My hat protected me from the sun rays – though I now wish I had taken it off to wave about my short curly locks.
Keep those smiles bright and stay fabulous, badasses!
I'm gradually putting the pieces of my days back together. Making schedules, keeping to those schedules. Remembering my goals and taking on every opportunity that gets me closer to those goals. It's already June. We're half way into the year and it hella scares me to think of how much I've gotten done this year. How much of my New Years resolution did I tick off? How far have you gotten with your resolutions?
Okay. Let's not panic. It's going to be good. It will all be good. Let's not worry or think about all the things we need to accomplish. Let's all just sit back and enjoy every moment of the year. You see something that sparks an interest in you; a dish, an event, a person, go for it. Breathe in and just go for it. What's stopping you anyway?
A little bit about the outfit. Since it's scorching hot here in Bahrain, and most probably everywhere else in the world, I busted out this sleeveless button up that I bought while I was in Dubai for the Toastmaster conference last weekend – which went quite well, these conferences are always fun to go to. I paired the button up with my floral leggings which I adore to death because they're super comfy and my black flats. And, of course, I topped this look off with the an aura of fabulosity, which one should never forget to bring out the door with them. With the feeling of fabulosity comes the feeling of confidence and power to take on absolutely anything.
When the year started, I signed up for this 52 Dares challenge. Each week you get an email from Erin, who is the genius behind this idea, with your dare for the week. You get 52 dares for the 52 weeks of the year. So far, it's taken me a little bit outside my comfort zone, but not too far. I've opened up a bit and did things I never thought I would do a year ago. These dares have turned into the thing that keeps me on my toes every week, and fulfilling them feels incredibly refreshing. I literally high five myself every time I get them done. *high five*
This week's dare is to make art, get in touch with my inner child and get just get creative. I've always loved to get my hands dirty in the paint, spices, and even sand and mud. I seem to always find a sense of relief and solace when I see and feel the pigment on between my hands and fingers. It feels nice and disgustingly gooey, but good gooey, not bad gooey. Is that weird?
So when the dare popped up, I thought I'd paint. It's been a while since I last painted and I was pretty ecstatic to listen to the child we never grew out of and just paint my feelings out.
When I was done I felt so refreshed and happy that the painting didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would.
What is it? I don't really know...but what I do know is that while I was painting it I could feel the weight of stress and anxiety just seep out through the brush. I started out angry with the blacks and reds, then moved to my indecisiveness and envy for others with the greens and blues, and finally I could see some light with the yellows seeping out through the cracks between all the colors and the top of the canvas that portrays the fact that there will always be a light to show you a way out
When I first looked at it from afar, It kind of looks like a person with long red hair sitting down or playing a guitar. Don't you think?
Have you gotten intact with your inner child lately
There was a time when I would constantly go on Pinterest for the quotes. Yes, it wasn't always about the fashion or the food. Every morning, while I have my breakfast I would pin quote after quote after quote onto my Quotes and Words board. I know that I've over-pinned when my sister tells me that her feed is flooded with quotes.
Here are a few quotes to make you feel FABULOUS and get through the week!
"You have to do what's right for yourself, nobody else is walking in your shoes.
"All you need is love and a good cup of coffee (or tea)"
"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can't change. Start each day with a positive thought (Like laughing babies)"
"Being deeply loved gives you strength; loving deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu
"When you have a bad day, a really bad day, treat the world better than it treated you – Patrick Stump (Lead singer of Fall Out Boy)"
"It takes as much energy to wish as does to plan – Eleanor Roosevelt"
Keep these quotes with you throughout the days, weeks, months, and years. Remember them as you take a plunge to take on a challenge. Remember them as you relax and be thankful. And remember them as you go out into the world and thrive to become the you no one expects you to be.
It's almost here. One more sleep until Christmas day. *screams internally*
Tonight, I will be celebrating Noche Buena (Christmas Eve) with the Filipino side of my family. We're going to stuff our faces, sing karaoke, and play lame filipino party games.
Honestly, I don't even know why I get so excited about Christmas. Is the colors? the lights? the food? the wintery jitters? the songs? or is it the romantic christmas movies? Since I'm not of the Christian religion – or other religions that celebrate this holiday – celebrating Christmas can seem a little odd to other people.
Why do we celebrate it? What does it mean to you? They would ask.
I celebrate it because it makes me feel jolly and it brightens up my cold and gloomy winter days.
Can't we just focus on how it makes us feel instead of focusing on the reasons behind it? I know it's beating around the bush, but just until the new year, let's just focus on the things that make us feel good, excited, jolly, and blessed to be alive.
This morning, I was shuffling through Youtube and decided to check up on one of my favorite youtuber's Meghan Rienks and stumbled upon her video on depression. Because of what she said, I am writing this post now.
Here is the video if you would like to watch it.
Meghan speaks on how she was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. As she was explaining how she felt and how it all suddenly happened, things started to click in my mind with every symptom she stated.
I'm sure this is something 80% of the world goes through, especially once they graduate or drop out from university. An existential crisis. It's something I've been going through since before I graduated university in 2013; at least that's what I think. It was when I realized everything after my final exams were completely blank and it didn't feel like a white board that welcomes ideas, it felt more like a black hole.
Unlike most of that 80%, I am one of those who leeches off their parents while they decide what to do with their lives. So we sit, we eat, we panic, we cry, we sleep.
Whenever that while board of opportunities comes into view, I would jolt down my goals and what I thought I wanted, and for the next few weeks, I was determined to get to where I wanted to be. Then suddenly a dark cloud suddenly floats above my head and swarm of negativity would rush through my mind. Doubt, fear, worthlessness, death. Or as Meghan said a switch flipped. Next thing I know it, I'm crawled up on the corner of my bed brawling my eyes out and whispering soothing words to calm myself down until I pass out, and waking up feeling drained and rotten.
I don't know if I'm classified as depressed or actually suffering from this crisis since the doctors here don't know shit. But I would go in and out of my depression, and I'd like to say every time I come out of it I'm stronger than ever, but to tell you the truth, I feel the same way and see no difference.
Watching myself go on, day after day sinking deeper into that black hole that I call my mind and over thinking every possible thing that I wanted to do in life, whether I was good enough or not, whether I was meant to do this or not, whether I want to do it or not. And at the end of the day I would just panic and depression would overwhelm me which would in turn put me in a state of death, hypothetically speaking.
Perhaps it is my will to keep going and support the idea of what I want in life that I should focus on and push away all those dark emotions and negative thoughts, but it's easier said than done.
I may not be experiencing the same things as Meghan is experiencing but dealing with any sort of depression alone can be one the hardest things to come across in life. Despite myself not taking my own advice, I strongly encourage you to talk to your family, to your best friends, to someone who you think would support you no matter what, if ever you are feeling any sort of depression. Bottling things up inside doesn't make you stronger, it makes you fragile. It's going through the depression that makes you stronger.
During these depression days I would use some rocks as a placebo affect to make everything better.
I know it sounds weird and idiotic, but it helps.
I would hold these rocks in my palm and squeeze tight while repeating all the things I'm grateful for and remembering the moments I felt happy and loved and felt excited and determined. I held these rocks and whispered the words to myself for hours until my feelings of excitement and love overwhelmed the feelings of fear, panic, and sadness.
I also take everything one step at a time. Rushing everything just stressed you out and would risk sinking back into that state of panic and depression. Whether it was just putting one foot after the other, or making some tea, I take it slow. And it really helped. I slowly started to feel alive and determined again.
I'm not the type to speak out about my depression since I don't think the people around me would care as much, but today, I just feel like perhaps this post could help someone. Perhaps someone would read this and relate to it, and it would make them feel like they're not alone. Because you're not. We're in this together and we can all get through it.
It's okay. Take it one step at a time. Take it slow. It will get better. *virtual group hug*
My weekend felt pretty long, with hanging out with some new people, listening to some good music, and doing a little bit of shopping for my sisters bridal shower and a little binge shopping for myself.
Willingly hanging out with people I don't know in an environment that I'm not familiar with is quite a big step outside of my comfort zone. But I pulled through and kept my cool through the whole encounter. Whoop!
Anyways, I feel like June is going to be one hell of a busy month. With my sisters wedding and engagement party, my cousin's wedding and engagement party, toastmaster meetings and training, and a fancy exhibition and a few events to go to. I'm actually pretty excited yet a little bit nervous to start this month out. But I'm starting it out with a "bang!" by cutting my hair! Yes, it's my long locks need a little trim and evening out, so I've decided to chop some of it off.
These photos were taking on Saturday morning after I randomly woke up at 6am and had this urge to get up and take some morning photos. It was an odd windy morning. I was still half awake in these photos so please excuse my face.
| Dress (similar) - Forever21 | Cardigan - gift from dad | Belt - H&M
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