During those days when the confetti pops because you graduated from uni, you hit a target, it's your birthday, or simply just because, becomes a challenge when we need to convince ourselves that we actually deserve the celebration; the smiles, the heart-warming words, and all that cake.
It was my 23rd birthday last week and this year was one of the few years I swallowed the I-didn't-deserve-to-be-celebrated doubt in me and smiled. It was uncomfortable for me to do but I remember feeling even more uneasy about it last year, and even more the year before that.
To put the feeling into words, it was like a dark cloud came and showered the you-don't-deserve-it rain drops over my head. I didn't want to go out and see anyone, I didn't want to smile, I didn't want to laugh, and it didn't feel right when people gave me gifts. I mean, how do you react to receiving gifts when you're in a bad mood? To put it plainly, my birthday wasn't my best day when that cloud floats in. I felt ashamed for celebrating my birthday since it felt like I didn't deserve it.
A day after my birthday celebrations, I pulled out an affirmation card out from the Miracles Now deck, this quote came up and a wave of emotion swooshed by me and lingered.
The moment I begin to celebrate myself and focus on my successes is the moment I begin living. — Gabby Bernstein, Miracles Now
I smiled, accepted, and I kept that card on my office table to remind me that we do need to celebrate ourselves, more than we think we should because that's when we actually live. And I can attest to that fully.
Celebrate you now, and don't feel ashamed because you deserve it: the smiles, the heart-warming words, and all that cake.
I am grateful for all that has come to me in my 23 years on this world, and I surrender to the universe to guide me through many more years to come.