My Reasons for Feeling Uncomfortable with my Religion

June 11, 2018

Photo by Ryan Holloway 
Ramadan. It's the ninth month of the Hijri Calendar (Islamic Calendar) where Muslims around the world observe the practice of fasting from sunrise to sunset. It was believed that it was during this month that the Holy book, Qur'an was revealed to the final Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). A form of charity, compassion, empathy is doubled more so if acted upon this month because it is also believed to be one of the holiest months of the year.

It's the last week of Ramadan this week and I — am just going to say it without judgement — have only fasted once in my 24 years on this earth. That's right. I'm one of those "Chicken Nugget" Muslims who don't fast. And the reasons why? Well, let me break it down for you.

Disclaimer: This is my own honest truth, so it doesn't mean that it's the same for those who don't practice. Their reasons could be completely different. These reasons are my own. If at any point you feel anger or uncomfortable with this post, you're most welcome to close this page. No judgement from my end. 

Where it all started

When I was growing up, I was taught the Islamic religion. As a child, I used to pray at least weekly when my cousins would come over for some bonding, and we would pray together. It was a sort of bonding that is a distant memory that I only remember through flashing scenes and photographs from the past. But I think it was just a month or a few months in, and I stopped praying altogether.
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There are Miracles and There are Downward Spirals

June 4, 2018
Photo by JC Gellidon

Last year, I flew to Kuwait for the first time for a Toastmasters Workshop and had a disturbing experience. It was my second time travelling alone, and although it was another leap, it flew out of hand. I'm not going to go into details about that trip since that's another story to tell, but I will tell you this, there were tears, a cloud of negativity, blood stains, cramps, and anxiety attacks. It was a tough trip that I am ironically grateful that happened in a country that looked like home—legit, with flat houses, sand, sea, and dates trees which makes a typical gulf island. And this year, I had to fly back to Kuwait this May for another Toastmasters Conference, and this time, I flew with the intention of changing my perception of the country.

I had never felt so determined to do something as vague as changing my perception of a country. I mean, how can you actually force that to happen? You have a bad experience and it's out of your control, right? Nope. I had it all wrong.

I put my intention forward and surrender to your guidance and path.

I remember praying and praying, and I never thought that my prayers would be answered, but it was. For the most part. 
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